


to love in the major key

by littleleotas



Series: Neira Ryder [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, despite her own best efforts, happiness? for MY ocs? it's more likely than you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleleotas/pseuds/littleleotas
Summary: "I'm not used to being loved. I wouldn't know what to do." - F. Scott FitzgeraldIaneira Ryder made one promise to herself before she left the Milky Way. Jaal Ama Darav does his best to make her break it.





	to love in the major key

Neira was unused to being cared for. In truth, she was fairly certain no one had ever cared for her. Not romantically, anyway. She knew her mother and Scott cared for her. But every ex she’d ever had had told her she was beautiful, took what they wanted from her, and left. This was what she was used to. They never meant the things they said. They just said what they thought would make her put out. And it had always worked, which pissed her off.

She assumed leaving the galaxy would be a fresh start, a way to leave everything wrong with her life in the past. She forgot to factor in that she was taking herself to Andromeda, and her flaws somehow didn’t disappear with 600 years of sleep.

So here she was, standing in front of a man – an alien, like…a really alien alien – and she felt herself falling, and wished she could punch herself in the face.

“I like to tinker, to get my hands on something and take it apart,” said Jaal.

“Oh,” Neira nearly squeaked.

 _No, no, no,_ she thought to herself. She refused to do this again.

“There’s something unique about you – uneasy, raw – but somehow profound,” he said.

 _See? Here it is. They always come up with the nicest-sounding things to say._ She wasn’t falling for it this time.

And yet…he sounded more sincere than anyone she’d ever known.

_You idiot._

~-~

She wondered if what he said about the angara was true – that they were very open with their emotions. She wasn’t sure she could say that about any other angara she’d met, but then, she supposed he’d know better than her. He was certainly open with his emotions, but what if that was a trick, too? New galaxy, same bullshit.

“Ryder.”

She jumped, the spoon in her hand falling into the cup of coffee into which she had been about to stir some sugar. Hot coffee splashed the side of her hand.

“Ow,” she said, immediately putting her hand up to her mouth to lick the coffee off.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Jaal said, reaching for her hand. “Are you alright?”

She didn’t give him her hand. “I’m fine. What do you need?”

“Nothing, I…just wanted to see if…well, you said when we had some downtime, you’d like to watch me work.”

Neira nodded.

Jaal shifted his weight. “Would you…?”

“Oh, sure,” she said, drying the spoon on a tea towel. “Let me get this together and I’ll come with you.”

Back in the tech lab, she sat cross-legged on a crate behind him, holding her cup with both hands as she watched him disassemble a gun.

“I could not imagine leaving this galaxy,” he said. “You are exceptionally brave.”

She snorted derisively. “Maybe everyone else is. It was more exceptional cowardice on my part.”

“I don’t believe you are a coward.”

“I tried to run away from my problems. Thought leaving them 600 years and an entire galaxy in the past would get rid of them.”

“And did it?”

She looked into his bright blue eyes, gazing up at her inquisitively, and she felt a familiar aching hole in the bottom of her stomach. “No. It didn’t.”

Jaal hummed thoughtfully.

“Ryder,” he said after a long moment.

“Jaal?”

“I still believe you are brave.”

She smiled sadly. “Thanks, Jaal. And you know, you can call me Neira.”

“Neira. It is a beautiful name. It suits you.”

She moved her mouth silently, unsure what to say. She settled on “Thank you,” and downed the rest of her coffee.

~-~

“It will heal. All scars do.”

She lay on her bed in her quarters, his words echoing in her head, the memory of the way he held her-

She sighed at herself, turning over onto her stomach and burying her face in a pillow. She was overthinking it. He had been talking about his cheek, not her damn emotional scars.

_Not everything is about you, Neira._

She wondered, though. Why couldn’t she leave her past behind her? She carried the hatred and despair connected to these people who had been dead for centuries. She would never see them again – she _could_ never see them again. But every one of them remained an open wound into which every act of kindness, every loving word Jaal spoke fell like lemon juice.

What if he did really love her? What if this wasn’t a game? What could she even do with such honesty?

~-~

Neira had given herself one objective before leaving for Andromeda. _Ianeira Ryder,_ she said sternly to herself in her own head, _You are not to fall in love again. You know better than to let yourself be tricked. You are not. Going. To be made a fool of. Again._

Sitting next to Jaal on his bed in his room in his family home, she wondered whether she was a bigger fool at this moment or the moment when she had set herself that objective.

“You make my heart sing,” he said, holding her hands, gazing into her eyes. “I want us to be together.”

She bit her lip as she searched his eyes. “God, you really mean it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” he said, cocking his head to the side. “Why would I have said it otherwise?”

She smiled, closing her eyes and turning her head away. “Oh, Jaal…”

“Yes, Neira?”

She turned back to face him. “I…I’ve never had…this.”

“You…have never had a romantic partner?”

She laughed hollowly. “Oh, I’ve had plenty of those. I mean, not plenty. I’ve had a reasonable number of those.”

He looked at her blankly.

“I mean,” she said, sighing heavily, “The partners I’ve had in the past…they…they all told me they cared about me and then hurt me. Very badly. All of them. It’s just…I don’t know what to do with…this. With you caring about me.”

Jaal put his hand behind her head, moving himself closer to her. “Then let me teach you,” he whispered, and he kissed her.

~-~

It almost was like she’d never had a romantic partner before, she mused. Every kiss, every touch, every word from him was so full of love, and though she had known before, she _knew_ now that no one had ever loved her like this.

His lips softly skimmed the back of her neck where it met her shoulders, his breath warm on her skin, as his hands worked their way up her stomach under her thin camisole. She leaned her head back against him and sighed. He extricated one hand from her shirt to pull the strap down over her shoulder, kissing where the strap had been.

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever known,” he whispered.

She looked over her shoulder at him, and he traced her cheek with his fingers. She turned and put her arms around him, pressing her lips to his. His hands at her hips pulled her flush against him and behind closed lids her eyes rolled up as his fingertips brushed up the skin beneath her shirt hem.

Her breathing grew laboured as she pulled back just enough to catch her breath, her lips still close to his. She reached up for soft, quick kisses between breaths, her heart pounding so hard she could hear the blood rush in her ears. Their lips met again and Jaal pushed into a deeper kiss, and Neira hummed delightedly as her lips tingled.

He broke the kiss and Neira looked up at him, panting. He met her gaze, looking at her with almost more tenderness than she could bear. He brushed a stray lock of hair off her cheek and she reached up to put her arms around him.

“Wait,” he whispered.

She lowered her arms and he reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling the thin camisole over her head slowly. Her eyelids fluttered and he exhaled deeply.

“Neira…”

She pushed her shorts down and kicked them aside, then reached for the buckle on his rofjinn.

When they’d both been rid of their clothes, he took her hand, holding it in both of his.

“Neira, you amaze me. You make my world so much brighter for being in it. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Jaal,” she whispered, smiling at him.

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He walked them to her bed, laying her on her back. He put his hand behind her neck, passionately pulling her up to meet him. He eased her back down and gently kissed his way down her chest. Her breath caught and a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

“Neira,” he looked up with concern, wiping the tear off her cheek and pressing his hand to the side of her face. “My darling one, why are you crying?”

She smiled through tear-filled eyes, laughing softly. “I’m fine, Jaal.”

“Neira…”

She placed her hand over his. “You- God, you make me want to say all the stupid sappy things I think.”

He chuckled, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “Spoken like an angara.”

She smirked at him, then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, barely above a whisper, “You give me more joy than I know what to do with, Jaal. I love every moment with you.”

“My dearest, I love you every moment.”

Neira realised, very suddenly, that she had grown so used to living with her scars that she hadn’t noticed the absence of pain, and this, she supposed, must be something like healing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr at daravakarian if you want to come say hi!


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